Obligatory First Post

I wasn't sure how to explain what this blog would be like. Then I remembered a first entry in one of my personal diaries from a while back that would do this perfectly.

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Sunday, June 27th, 2010

"My first diary was more of a burn book, a compilation of my writings in my most vulnerable state. Writing in it was a decent outlet, but I was plagued by the fear of someone finding it and reading even a single page (for every stroke of my pen on each page was vindictive). This fear didn't come from fearing any punishment, but more from disgust at my own crassness and extremely low-level thinking. Somehow the worst part of thinking that someone else could read the book was the notion that those words were actually representative of myself, even though most of what I wrote was very different from my true thoughts on a day to day basis.

Eventually the negative energy associated with the book outweighed any foreseeable benefits and I abandoned it." (Side note from me now: At any rate, I threw it away, or at the very least, it's traveled to the same hypothetical space that my Other socks have.) 

"I started a new diary, and keeping my old mistakes in mind I mentally laid a few ground rules for myself. The idea is that I am a complex person with multi-dimensional thought patterns and simplifying them to a few strings of expletives neither raises my own esteem nor helps me learn anything. Instead, discovering why certain thoughts came about and examining my own thought patterns not only makes for interesting reading in the future but helps me about the way I operate. In its purest form, I want my writing  to represent me, the author, create a concentrated form of my personality, a form that can clarify my views to the outside world and most importantly, to myself.

I do not know if I have been achieving this but I can say that I am putting in an honest effort."

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I think I did, too, right up until the end of that summer. Then came my first semester of college, during which I experienced not only the disarray to be expected by any 18 year old first confronted with adulthood, but also a fair dose of personal tension. I just didn't have the physical or emotional capacity to write as much as I needed to, at the very time in my life it would have been most helpful.

But since that time I've written even less, and with no good excuse. I hope this blog will change that.